Monday, April 19, 2010

No where to run, no where to hide!

I am hurting - its not like me to want to stay in bed in the morning or to avoid people, but my deepest and best kept secret has been discovered - I have been cheating at gym!

The gym that I go to has a new manager who has over developed powers of observation. No more hiding in the corners, no more swaying gently on those work stations, no more pushing when I should be pulling - she watches our every move. This morning the volume was turned up several notches and the pace more salsa than the usual country - we were encouraged to 'pump up the jam.' As arms waved and legs stomped we were whipped up into a frenzied warm up and everything had to be "higher, higher and wider ladies." There is only so high and so wide that I can go....apparently not high or wide enough!

Onto the machines, where it became clear that what I had been doing over the past decade was using them to prop myself up in the morning. As she made her way towards me I started to put more effort in but was urged in a very assertive way to go "faster, deeper, harder and feel the burn." More like sex-ercise! (something else I've been cheating at). "I cant go any faster, deeper or harder," I pleaded and as a last resort claimed pensioner rights but she wasn't having any of that as she warned me of the dangers of osteoporosis and just how good this weight bearing was doing for my old and brittle bones.

I was not alone - the rest of the group were just as traumatised and rolled their eyes when told to, "smile and dont forget to breathe." I tried valiantly to smile as my heavy breathing got louder, my face got redder and my hair wetter.

That was an hour ago and the beating in my chest has just about returned to normal. I limped home and after a hot shower and coffee I feel surprisingly good. My muscles feel stretched and my red face has paled to a youthful bloom. Perhaps I will give the Marquess de Sade another chance - if I can still walk in the morning!


  1. I think you might have been 'feeling the burn'! Good for you...hope you're not too achey today. MdS sounds like a tyrant!