Sunday, October 14, 2012

Well the 2012 Olympics are over, the paralympics also gone and all the controversy over Oscar's blades fading into insignificance. However in our household the Gera-lympics continues. These are the sports that plague your everyday life once you have reached a certain age and revolve around everyday housework. Growing older is hard graft so start training now - build that muscle, work that body, exercise your mind and practice patience - You will need it!
Events include:
Duvet Wrestling: Getting that Queen/King duvet inside the duvet cover with all four corners fitting snugly and without strangling or suffocating yourself or any of the household pets. At the same time the duvet strongly resists this and feathers do fly!
The Slipped Discus: The contestant is asked to perform a task which involves lifting - the chair or settee for example - The winner of this event is the person who spends the most time sitting on the settee or chair afterwards complaining about their back!
Tossing the blankets: There are two players and the winner of this event is the person who can either keep the blankets off themselves (the menopausal female) or keep the blankets on themselves (the husband of the menopausal female).
Decaf-Lon: This is a tricky one. the object of this sport is to get 8 hours uninterrupted sleep and at the same time indulge the growing need for caffeine to keep you awake during the day.
Hide and Seek: This contestants place everyday objects around the house two to three days prior to the event and the winner is the person who spends the least time looking for them. Points are deducted if the iron is found in the refrigerator or sour milk found in the laudry cupboard. Contestants are disqualified if they are caught looking for their spectacles while they are on thier head. This event replaces the original Hide and Seek which involved actual people - They are still looking for the 2004 contestants.
Men's Vacuuming: A demonstration event that has never really caught on! There was an attempt to get it off the ground at the height of Freddie Mercury's popularity but there were was only one entrant - Freddy Mercury!
Scrubbing the Kitchen Floor. Played on all fours the winner is the person who can walk upright without their knees creaking or clicking within 24 hours of the floor drying.
Iron Man/Woman: A tri-athlon which includes loading the washing machine with whites while the mens team try to smuggle a red sock/undies into the drum. Wet pink washing is an instant disqualification. This is followed by pegging the washing out in a good old PE South Westerly and keeping up with the rotary dryer while keeping the pegs between your teeth. The third event is putting up the ironing board on the first attempt without injury and ironing to the very bottom of the basket without discovering - odd sock, shorts or pyjama cord, unrecognisable belt or random piece or ribbon. There is a time limit for this which involves ironing being completed within 2 weeks!
The list is endless 4x4 Table polishing, Fencing, Garden Sack Race (with garden compost) and water events include Getting in and out of the Bath and the Shower version of the Slipped Discus!
So, Which event are you looking forward to the most?

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