Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Shopping madness

While I was in the shops today I remembered this..... It's an excerpt from a talk I did for retired people on the joys of being a parent of adult children!
"One Saturday morning in December – THE Saturday morning when no sane person leaves their home – I find myself gridlocked on route to Greenacres. My Christmas gifts were bought, wrapped, ribboned and ready. “MOM the bright cheery voice says – you have to help me or there will be a divorce." That sort of limits your options to refuse – they know this! "I’ve bought her Xmas gift but I haven’t got the other stuff – I looked under the tree this morning and she has got me all these little things! And I haven’t got those for her and I’m working." "Stocking fillers," I reply. "Please Ma – I need some you know - girls stuff".Unfortunately I do know – I have been rescuing my sons since their teens and have bought more “girls stuff’ than I care to remember!I even got a call the day before my youngest got married (no – not the ring that was taken care of) I answered the phone to a cheery “Hello mom and was immediately suspicious! "I haven’t got a tie for tomorrow.""But it’s your wedding day – how can you forget to get a tie!" 
"I am running around today doing all sorts – she’s given me a list! Mom will you get me a tie?" I sighed,"What colour?" "Blue!" came the reply.
"What shade – light, dark, medium". "THAT blue – the same shade as her bridesmaids are wearing." I haven’t seen the bridesmaids dresses! "Oh mom you know - THAT blue that she loves …its sort of a bluey blue."Three hours later I am stood in the queue at WW with half a dozen ties in my hand in various shades of blue – I am three from the front – I can see the cashier – I can taste the coffee that I am going to have then I get out of this madness – the phone rings! “MOM – have you got the tie yet – I am in the queue paying I say – "Oh thank goodness – because I need 2 the same – My best man needs one too!!" I need wine not coffee!I believe I cured my youngest of his shopping laziness the following year – I got the usual request to get the ”girls stuff” on 24th December when the shops were mad busy and took a deep breath and went off to Walmer Park – fighting my way through the queue in woollies with a silk nightie and some smellies in my hand – I had a brainwave. I popped into cardies on the way out with a little something to pop into the parcel.When we arrived on Xmas morning – I smuggled the gift in – he whipped it off into the bedroom to write on the card and sneaked it under the tree.After Christmas dinner – we opened our gifts. All eyes were on my daughter in law as she opened hers – A range of bath goodies, a lovely silky nightie – and ......a pair of black furry handcuffs. Her face showed surprise – her parents looked horrified – my son's face – PRICELESS!
I haven't been asked to shop for him since - lol!

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