Thursday, February 4, 2016

The price we pay for love.

My thoughts on love today. My eldest son would have been 43 this week, he died 21 years ago but losing him is never ever something that I will 'get over' and its foolish to try! It was a loss of the cruelest kind not only for Tony and I, but for his brothers and his long term girlfriend. Grief is the price that we pay for love as all living things will die - its the price we pay for the love our animals give us too, as their life spans are shorter and we will lose them one day for sure. The price of love is immeasurable and yet we love.
When Craig died we were privileged to have an amazing minister Robin Jacobson - he was heaven sent to us at just the right time and his words have never left me. He explained love in these terms to our family. He told us that there are many types of love - there is the love of God which is the purest type of love. There is the love we have for one another and for our friends - love of our fellow man, There is the love we have for our parents - which is a dutiful and respectful kind of love.  Love for our siblings  - where loyalty and honour is key, and there is the love we have for our spouse or our romantic partner which is about desire, attraction and a sexual type of love. The love we have for our children is the deepest love - its a sacrificial love and cant be explained until you have experienced it. As parents we have all experienced that feeling - we think that we know what love is until your baby comes into the world and then you in that moment - love overwhelms you and you know with absolute certainty that you will do anything for this little person, Put it this way - if your spouse or sibling needed a kidney and you were a match you would donate one. If your child needed a kidney - you would not hesitate to donate both if it meant that your child would lead a healthy life. That is parental love. As much as you try and protect your heart when you love, you are utterley exposed and vulnerable and when you have a child it is like having your heart walk around outside your body.
So Robin didnt teach us this - he just put it into understandable terms so that we could identify the different levels and types of grief we were experiencing and that made sense to me.
In the law of nature our children should outlive us and I wish I had had my son for longer but I had him for 22 years and for that I am grateful and for all he taught me about love. My heart may be scarred but it still beats lovingly.

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