It was obviously put together by an oriental Feng Shui-ng Love Witch as it was a combination of Affirmations, Visualisations and the placing of weird symbols in various places in my house.
All very weird and even weirder were the comments of those who were taking all this seriously - like asking if plastic flowers were acceptable when being told to put two red flowers in a white vase in the bedroom or one devotee exclaimed it was only day four and her boyfriend had proposed.
Some things that I was asked to do if I wanted to find love were.....
- Put a higher watt bulb in my bedside lamps - I was assured that this would turn the passion up in the bedroom (I now wear sunglasses in bed)
- Place a monkey figurine on a mirror underneath the bed in the position of where my beloved would be resting his lovely self (I actually tried this but my monkey statue was a little tall and wouldn't fit underneath and I needed the mirror to do my eyebrows)
- Burn a sage leaf and waft the smoke around my mattress (no way, I am not to be trusted with flaming vegetation) - I was then supposed to move my bed to the right or left of its original position and put pink sheets on it (I do not own pink sheets and couldn't risk putting my back out shoving my bed around)
- My Daily affirmations had to be written in black at least once and no more than 9 times, in my own hand .....Hello! then 'activated' in red pen. I have used affirmations in the past while meditating and for motivation so I didn't feel quite so weird trying these although saying them out loud at least nine times during the day felt slightly odd .......Yes that was me chanting, "I am NOW flooded with love!" on day 5 in the public loo next to yours while flushing!
- I gave up with the Feng-shuing on Day 8 when I was instructed to make a preparation with kosher sea salt and uncooked rice which had to be stirred in a clockwise direction with the index finger of my left hand for the number of years I have been alive plus one - no shit - and sprinkle this in the corners of each room. I don't rest easy with rice sprinkled in my corners.
- Half way through the course a secret symbol (its not a secret anymore) was revealed to me which is supposed to be VERY potent - I was to carry this symbol around with me. I made it a screen saver on my phone - nothing happened except I couldn't see my apps clearly.
Each day following the instructions would be an enthusiastic paragraph by 'Ellen' the lady who promises love in 27 days - giving you examples of how it has worked for her clients and friends and mentioning all the testimonials that have been given regarding her amazing course.
It is now over - The final instruction was to go outside with a bottle of bubble mixture and blow large bubbles and to imagine that my perfect partner and I were in one strolling hand in hand or kissing, ardently, and to watch us float away inside a big bubble towards the God of Marriage .......Did I mention that this was to happen when its a full moon?
Ellen - I think you need help and don't expect an invitation to our wedding any day soon! George is not long married and the father of twins. Plus I just couldn't find the two pink peonies and five red bats to put in that silver box you urged me to get and place in the 'Helpful People' area of my bedroom
If nothing else it was worth logging in everyday for entertainment purposes lol. Today I declined when asked to enter my name and download my Certificate of Completion. I just don't think it will look good on my CV.