I am continuing with my take on various types of grannies.......
How to identify: Usually wears a cardigan, polyester pants suit and flats shoes. This Granny's large handbag contains a first aid kit, a sewing kit, hand sanitizer, a variety of different kids of wipes, a cotton hankie and a screwdriver! Bifocals.
Birthing Advice: P U S H!!
Feeding Advice: Breast is best but anything goes as long as its every four hours and mom is drinking gallons of tap water in between.
Proposed Names: Ethel, Dorothy, Harold, Mavis, John
Favoured gifts: Teddy bears, rag dolls, Hand knitted, stuffed toys as an alternative to playing with, pan lids, pegs and string.
Bedtime Story: Noddy or anything by Enid Blyton
Availability to read Bedtime story: Between 6 and 7pm - all good children are asleep by 7pm.
How to identify: Wears tracksuit, TShirt, running shoes, sweatband optional - Whistle! Nikes, Raybans, Lycra,
Birthing Advice: Give birth in a vertical position and running on the spot during labour speeds things up.
Feeding Advice: Powder formula, supplemented with vitamins and 26 essential minerals.
Proposed Names: Zola, Hestrie, Venus, Naas, Fanie or Bruce.
Favoured gifts: Balls
Bedtime Story: The Gingerbread Man - "Run, Run, as fast as you can - you can't catch me....."
Availability to read Bedtime story: Usually in bed before the baby as she is up at 5am to run.
How to identify: Hmm - Same as mom in a different colour. Hard to tell who is mommy and who is granny! Leggings are a popular choice.
Birthing Advice: 'I will be with you all through this darling. Your hubby can wait outside.'
Feeding Advice: 'Just you rest darling and I will take him/her.'
Proposed Names:It doesn't matter as the child will be called 'my babba', 'my darling' or MY anything
Favoured Gifts: Anything the baby sees, touches or grabs and can be played with on granny's lap.
Bedtime Story: Nursery Rhymes....told in a shrill, singy-songy, condescending voice or books with "My Very Own ... in the title.
Availability to read Bedtime story: 24/7 .........She just doesn't want to go home in case you or anyone else touches her 'babba'
Birthing Advice: WTF - Its eina!
Feeding Advice: Prop the baby up with a bottle of formula while you have a ciggie.
Proposed Names: Izzy, Axle, Obsidian, Steppenwolf, Alice, Rose
Favoured gifts: Spikes, Bikes, Chains, Toolsets, Real car or bike parts.
Bedtime Story: Anything with the BIG BAD WOLF in it.
Availability to read Bedtime story: .Are you kidding?
.....and then there is YOU and I - Perfect Granny!