Monday, March 18, 2013

Good Grief

It's now 8 weeks that I have been without Tony (I never thought I would have to type that sentence). Eight weeks of my journey into grief and the lessons that life is teaching me. Some days are Ok and some aren't but grief is like a wave that washes over you and leaves again. The pain it brings is necessary for healing, so it's not good to ignore it too much.
Isn't it amazing that I am still getting messages, calls,  cards, visitors and in the last three days four lovely bouquets of flowers.
Kind words about the significance of Tony's life are also comforting and I have heard many of them.
Work is a great distraction and I am being kept really busy - I am trusting that this is how it should be right now but I know that I wont be able to keep this pace up long term!
I am also thinking of how this journey is made easier by friends and family and the incredible support I have been shown by people - I know that I am being held in thought and prayer by many and believe me I am grateful for your company along this path.
I am making plans, moving forward and have navigated my way through the sea of paperwork - I just have to file it all now!
I am coping ....I am going to be OK. Thank You!

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Mothers Love

Its Mother's Day today in the UK - a day set aside to honour the special bond between a mother and child, although we all know that we don't need that day as that bond is celebrated everyday in the hearts of mothers all over the world. The retail world is the real beneficiary of today as flowers, cards, perfume and other gifts are hurriedly purchased. the hospitality industry also benefits as mothers will be taken out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Mothers Day creates expectations and sadly some mothers will start questioning their worth based on those expectations not being met.
There is no replacement for a mothers love and those unfortunate enough to be deprived of it carry the scars for the rest of their lives. It's now been scientifically proven that children who are neglected and unloved by their mothers and whose mothers are not responsive to them during the first two years of their lives are affected forever! You can read an article about it here.     Read it - its amazing!
Motherhood is a great responsibility - a job for life with no salary and sometimes no benefits. Its a greater responsibility than fatherhood as instinctively we know that a mother's love is absolutely unconditional and pure. Your mother will love you no matter what. A child will always be THE most beautiful, talented and special to their mum. Fathers are important and we all crave the approval and acceptance of a father figure but to be held, nurtured, cared for, supported, loved and adored by the person who carried and brought you into the world is essential to your physical and emotional well being. Sadly there are people who carry the scars of not experiencing that love - they carry them for their whole life. Emotional scars never heal - I know we all rub bio-oil on physical scars and they can vanish with time but there is no cure for the scars of mother damage.
I am one of the luckiest people in the world because I know without doubt that I was loved by my mother. One of six children my mother often said that none of us were planned but ALL of us were wanted. I felt that love in my mother's baking, the dresses made for us, the hanky that wiped tears away, the grasp of her hand on my first day of school and the love showered on my children - her grandchildren.
My wish today is that all mothers never forget the privilage it is to bring life into the world and the sacred place they hold in thier children's hearts. Let your children know that you love and approve of them and that you will do forever. Mothers Day is agreat opportunity for that!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Live a Life that Matters

I am not having a great day today. More paperwork!How many times do I have to get these cerficates of birth, marriage and death certified and how many more times do I have to tell the story of Tony's death!
I had to go into the cupboard in the study to look for more information today and found this piece of writing neatly taped there on the inside of the cupboard door - I hadn't noticed it before ..I dont know why but today it jumped out at me. It's telling me to "live a life that matters." It must have struck a chord with Tony for him to place it in his working space and quite recently too as we had only spent weeks in this house. this is what it says.

Live a life that matters
Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant
Even your gender and skin colour will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance, but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.

Powerful words to live by.....He certainly did matter as so many people at the funeral and since have told how Tony was such a positive influence on them and was a real friend and mentor. He was successful and significant and right now missed SO much.